Who's the Douche, Really?

Everyone cool on the interwebs has in the past couple days commented on the ridiculous Summer's Eve ad that lists cleaning one's genitals with their products as the first step in feeling confident enough to ask for a raise.

What no one has mentioned, however, is that this ad ran in the October issue of Woman's Day as the left-hand page in a two-page ad. The right-hand page features the memorable tagline "No one has ever told you to 'Grow a Pair.'"

(No, Summer's Eve, you're right. No one has told me that. And even though I’m down one ovary, I still feel I have “a pair.”) The implication that women don't need cajones (because we already have something better?) is a new-old riff on the idea of the moral superiority of women.

More "woman power" key words are used throughout the rest of the text: “Courage. You were born with it.” But then the text devolves into helping women stay courageous “with a little extra care down there.” Ugh. Given that most doctors now recommend AGAINST douching and using scented feminine products because they can irritate the tissue and throw off the natural balance, using these crap products is the opposite of “caring” for your goodies.

What is fascinating about this pair of ads is not so much that douchey companies are still preying on women's fear of "down there" to sell more crotch deodorant. That has been happening for ages. I still distinctly remember the embarrassed agony of being subjected to commercials featuring mother-and-daughter heart-to-heart chats about feeling "not so fresh" while watching soap operas with my mom and grandma.

The interesting thing to me about these ads is less the insidious appeal to fear but the laughable attempt to deceive readers visually. These facing pages are intended to look like a career-related article (the now-infamous list) on the left and the opposite page, a layout that clearly telegraphs that it is an advertisement featuring a supposedly empowered woman. The "empowered woman" ad has become a staple of women's magazines in recent years. Appropriating the language of feminism to help prey on women's fears has become an effective marketing ploy.

What makes this, on the right-hand page, at least, an "empowered woman ad"?

• Language filled with bravado, a "strong enough for a man" tone. Check.
• A well-dressed (usually in evening garb or a party dress) young and conventionally attractive woman who stares, smilingly and not at all coy, straight at the camera. Check.
• An appeal that on one hand appears to reaffirm readers as intelligent and independent, capable women, while on the other hand appealing to the same fears and insecurities that the culture uses to cripple women's self-esteem. Checkity, check check on that.
  

Because if women weren't afraid that their vaginas smell bad, they might want to use them more freely. They might talk about them. They might stop being ashamed of their sexuality. They might explore them. They might let other people explore them. Women with vaginas that are okay as is, that are pleasant even, might become unmanageable. (And why does Blogger's spell-check keep flagging vaginas as misspelled? Vagina can't be plural?)

Do advertisers really believe that this visual article/ad gimmick works? Are readers fooled into seeing the list as an article and the "empowered woman" ad as unrelated? And does pseudo-feminist rhetoric help sell douches, sprays, and wipes?

Let's stick it to Summer's Eve. Stop worrying about how you smell "down there." If "down there" remains a bit of a mystery to you, spend a little time getting to know yourself: your anatomy, your texture, and yes, even your smell. As long as you are clean and in good health, your natural smell is fine. Knowing what's normal for you can help you determine when you might have a problem, as yeast infections, BV, and some STIs can cause distinctive changes in smell. If you're always masking your smell, how can you tell if it changes?

And maybe start calling "down there" something less ominously euphemistic. Tackling terminology is beyond the purview of this post, but seriously, even my daughter uses more sensible terminology, "privates," and she's only five.

When will advertisers stop treating us like we're smelly and stupid?